Instead of understanding and fleshing out the actual conflict, they get involved in efforts to coerce the other side or defend themselves. The discussion of the actual problem gets left behind.
Hiring an attorney when you're in a conflict trap is only going to help if you and your attorney are clear that what you are doing is merely protective, defensive, not to coerce the other side.
Hire your attorney, by all means, but make sure you and she or you and he have the goal of promoting talks. Not the goal of defeating the other side, but of getting the other side to agree to peace talks.
Use your attorney to convince the other side that you both need a time to sit down, look at what is actually at stake for both of you, and decide yourselves what each side is going to do to get everybody's needs met in this conflict.